Sarah, 18
I was fifteen years of age when I first smoked hash and got plastered drunk.
From there on my life seemed to be nothing but getting drunk, high and partying. I was a fairly quiet enough girl then, but I soon got confidence and loved being around people.
At that age my eating disorder started as well, so dieting became a part of my every day life. Time moved on. At 16, I was smoking hash a lot. At 17, I was addicted to pharmaceuticals. I started to steal money from everywhere possible. At the same time my weight had dropped from 14 to 12 stone in the space of four months. Hash, pills and drink pushed away all bad thoughts out of my mind. I began to have no feelings and hurt a lot of people.
I started using speed on my 18th birthday and really liked the drug. I used it excessively at the College gym to loose weight and to stay up at night to go partying or studying. College life was like a fairy tale for me. Nobody interfered, cared and I could do what I wanted and so I did. I was soon taking speed and ‘E’s every night and smoking hash every hour of the day. I was hooked and in debt. E’s were my living, my every thought of the day revolved around getting high on them, thinking about them constantly.
My eyes couldn’t see the world around me anymore. They just spelled ecstasy. A big ‘E’ in front of me. I was tampering with Acid and Cocaine also. The more drugs I had the more I wanted. Soon my head got really sick. My body couldn’t take much more. Everything seemed dull and depressing. My good college course had washed down the drain.
I moved back home. That very day, I tried to kill myself by taking an overdose and ended up facing a mental ward. I then found out about Aislinn Treatment Centre. I didn’t think I had a problem and just went to keep by family happy. My first week in treatment came as a major shock to me. The word ‘addicted’ seemed to haunt me. I was like a baby chicken in a shell and wanted to break free. I couldn’t. I had all these feelings trapped inside me. After settling in, I started to open up to the other residents in the group and came to terms with my addiction and eating disorder. I knew I had a problem and I wasn’t the only one in the big wide world with one.
A few weeks into the treatment I started to break through the shell. The old me started to come back. This was something we – my parents and I – had not experienced in nearly four years. Family group showed me the hurt I’d caused my family and the four years of my life that were led with deceit, pain and destruction. Working on the Twelve Step Programme made me see light at the end of the very dark tunnel. I was a quarter of the way and still travelling. I opened up more to the Counsellors who helped me come to deal with many problems in my life and the support of the other residents helped me to reach further down that tunnel. On my last week I felt like a new girl, ready to handle the disease of addiction and to try and conquer it. Aftercare will help me to the end of that tunnel and I can see my life can be the best without drink and drugs. I’ve learned to have a natural buzz instead of a chemically assisted one. I’m going home to improve things, to explore new jobs and to have a good life with a loving family and good friends that support me.